Daniel Kristoffer von Erck

2011-05-07T09:41:00.000-07:00

Once the dog has quit his barking,
"Son", my neighbor said to me:
"Know the emptiness of talking blue
(the same old sheep)"

Run - I'll do no more this walking
Haunted by a past I just can't see
Anymore
Anymore

But let me tell you: I have never planned
To let go of the hand

that has been clinging by its thick country skin
To my yellow country teeth

Far, far away in West Virginia
I had tried New York City
Explaining that the sky holds the wind

The sun rushes in

And a child with a shotgun

Can shoot down honeybees that sting
(But this boy could use a little sting)

Who? ...will get me to a party?
Who? ...do I have yet to meet?
You ...you look a bit like coffee
And you taste a bit like me.
How? ...can I keep me from moving?
Now ...I need a change of scenery!

Just listen to me:

I won't pretend to
Understand the movement of the wind
Or the waves out in the ocean

Or how like the hours,

I change softly, slowly,
Plainly blindly oh me oh my!

2011-03-11T10:02:00.000-08:00

If this was the Cold War we could keep each other warm
I said on the first occasion that I met Marie
We were crawling through the hatch that was the missile silo door
And I don't think that she really thought that much of me

I never had to learn to love her like I learned to love the Bomb
She just came along and started to ignore me
But as we waited for the Big One
I started singing her my songs
And I think she started feeling something for me

We passed the time with crosswords that she thought to bring inside
What five letters spell "apocalypse" she asked me
I won her over saying "W.W.I.I.I."
She smiled and we both knew that she'd misjudged me

Oh Marie it was so easy to fall in love with you
It felt almost like a home of sorts or something
And you would keep the warhead missile silo good as new
And I'd watch you with my thumb above the button

Then one night you found me in my army issue cot
And you told me of your flash of inspiration
You said fusion was the broken heart that's lonely's only thought
And all night long you drove me wild with your equations

Oh Marie do you remember all the time we used to take
We'd make our love and then ransack the rations
I think about you leaving now and the avalanche cascades
And my eyes get washed away in chain reactions

Oh Marie if you would stay then we could stick pins in the map
Of all the places where you thought that love would be found
But I would only need one pin to show where my heart's at
In a top secret location three hundred feet under the ground

We could hold each other close and stay up every night
Looking up into the dark like it's the night sky
And pretend this giant missile is an old oak tree instead
And carve our name in hearts into the warhead

Oh Marie there's something tells me things just won't work out above
That our love would live a half-life on the surface
So at night while you are sleeping
I hold you closer just because
As our time grows short I get a little nervous

I think about the Big One, W.W.I.I.I.
Would we ever really care the world had ended
You could hold me here forever like you're holding me tonight
I look at that great big red button and I'm tempted

2011-02-13T08:20:00.000-08:00

It ain’t no use to sit and wonder why, babe
It don’t matter, anyhow
An’ it ain’t no use to sit and wonder why, babe
If you don’t know by now
When your rooster crows at the break of dawn
Look out your window and I’ll be gone
You’re the reason I’m trav’lin’ on
Don’t think twice, it’s all right

It ain’t no use in turnin’ on your light, babe
That light I never knowed
An’ it ain’t no use in turnin’ on your light, babe
I’m on the dark side of the road
Still I wish there was somethin’ you would do or say
To try and make me change my mind and stay
We never did too much talkin’ anyway
So don’t think twice, it’s all right

It ain’t no use in callin’ out my name, gal
Like you never did before
It ain’t no use in callin’ out my name, gal
I can’t hear you anymore
I’m a-thinkin’ and a-wond’rin’ all the way down the road
I once loved a woman, a child I’m told
I give her my heart but she wanted my soul
But don’t think twice, it’s all right

I’m walkin’ down that long, lonesome road, babe
Where I’m bound, I can’t tell
But goodbye’s too good a word, gal
So I’ll just say fare thee well
I ain’t sayin’ you treated me unkind
You could have done better but I don’t mind
You just kinda wasted my precious time
But don’t think twice, it’s all right

---

I spent too much time not listening to Bob Dylan. I hope to rectify that grievous error now.

---

Officially hit the "three month" of sobriety milestone last week; this process was significantly easier than any of my foes suspected. Turns out I'm not an alcoholic, and if I'm tasked with giving up drinking for the rest of my life to prove it to my detractors, then that's what I'll do. It was the smart move in the short-term, especially considering the trials and tribulations I've been going through lately (both literally and figuratively, forgive the pun); considering the high potential for mental instability, it wouldn't make sense to add an executive-function inhibitor into the mix. Some would do well to take that advice, but I can only hold responsibility for myself. Also, who needs to add a depressant to an already depressed mind? Stupid move, Danno. I feel great about it, though. It's empowering to be willfully sober again; it allows me to be a DD for students who need it, and I never have to wonder whether my actions are because of drink or because of my personality (and I've been making significantly better decisions lately, which helps).

---

Officially divorced, as I'm sure the rumor mill has spread around. It wasn't a choice I wanted to make, but given the circumstances, it was the only option I had at my disposal. It went surprisingly well; significantly less drama than the wedding day itself, which should be a glaring neon sign about the nature of the relationship. Also, she didn't have the decency or desire to show up, which I'll take as a symbol of the course of the majority of our marriage in the first place.

---

Doing well in school, so don't worry about that. It's been helpful to have books to dive into when shit hits the fan; hunkering down to study puts some emotional and mental distance between myself and all the drama whirling around Lburg, which is a welcome reprieve. I have my neuro final tomorrow, which I'm confident about, and then some relaxation for the rest of the week.

---

The family has been encouraging, supportive and understanding. Everything I could hope for, and I'm grateful that I have a family that is willing and able to pick up some of the stress off my shoulders when it is getting too overwhelming. Matt and Stef are expecting the twins in a few months, and I can't wait to meet them. Mom bought her house in GR, and it looks like one of my friends from highschool may be interested in buying Grandma's old place.

---

Last night I decided that the mourning period is over. I've put in some significant and appropriate time being upset, and confused, and lost, and hurt, and angry, and scared. As I described to my Dad, it feels like I've been attending a funeral this whole time. That makes it easier, in a sad way. It feels like my wife died in November, suddenly and unexpectedly, to be replaced with a malicious and insane twin sister, who wants nothing else but to ruin my life. A little hyperbole, but the most accurate way I can describe it. That viewpoint has been verified by everyone else on the periphery of the situation, so that's how I've been operating. It wasn't my fault she died; she was sick for her whole life, and all it took was a small impulse to push her over the edge from teetering on the brink of terminally ill to death. I mourn the loss of my wife, and wish I could have gotten her in to see a doctor sooner, maybe we could have taken more aggressive steps to prevent the deterioration of her health, but she was unwilling to go. I can't be tasked with saving other people, only myself. And I'm well on the way to doing that. I've learned some valuable lessons over the past few months, years, etc. Unfortunately, those are lessons I have to keep close to my chest, because they're just for me.

I hope you've learned some too.

Mumford & Sons - Sigh No More (Acoustic)

2010-11-16T18:07:00.000-08:00

Serve God, love me and mend
This is not the end
Live unbruised, we are friends
And I'm sorry
I'm sorry

Sigh no more, no more
One foot in sea and one on shore
My heart was never pure
And you know me
You know me

But man is a giddy thing
Oh man is a giddy thing
Oh man is a giddy thing
Oh man is a giddy thing

Love it will not betray you
Dismay or enslave you, it will set you free
Be more like the man you were made to be
There is a design, an alignment, a cry
Of my heart to see,
The beauty of love as it was made to be

"All The Best"

2010-11-10T16:51:00.000-08:00

I wish you love And happiness
I guess I wish you All the best
I wish you don't Do like I do
And ever fall in love with Someone like you
Cause if you fell Just like I did
You'd probably walk around the block like a little kid.
But kids don't know They can only guess
How hard it is To wish you happiness

I guess that love Is like a Christmas card
You decorate a tree You throw it in the yard
It decays and dies And the snowmen melt
Well I once knew love I knew how love felt
Yeah I knew love Love knew me
And when I walked Love walked with me
And I got no hate And I got no pride
Well I got so much love That I cannot hide

Say you drive a Chevy Say you drive a Ford
You say you drive around the town till you just get bored
Then you change your mind For something else to do
And your heart gets bored with your mind and it changes you
Well it's a doggone shame And it's an awful mess
I wish you love I wish you happiness
I wish you love I wish you happiness
I guess I wish you All the best

2010-11-08T10:39:00.000-08:00

My heart's in the ice house, come hill or come valley;
Like a long ago Sunday when I walked through the alley
On a cold winter's morning to a church house
just to shovel some snow.

I heard sirens on the train track howl naked gettin' nuder,
An altar boy's been hit by a local commuter
just from walking with his back turned
to the train that was coming so slow.

You can gaze out the window get mad and get madder,
throw your hands in the air, say "What does it matter?"
but it don't do no good to get angry,
so help me I know

For a heart stained in anger grows weak and grows bitter.
You become your own prisoner as you watch yourself sit there
wrapped up in a trap of your very own
chain of sorrow.

I been brought down to zero, pulled out and put back there.
I sat on a park bench, kissed the girl with the black hair
and my head shouted down to my heart
"You better look out below!"
Hey, it ain't such a long drop, don't stammer don't stutter
from the diamonds in the sidewalk to the dirt in the gutter
and you carry those bruises to remind you wherever you go.

- John Prine

Michigan tour spawns dreams about Korean invasion:

2009-08-18T06:29:00.000-07:00

I had a little whirlwind week recently, in celebration of completion of the MCAT (before you ask, it takes 30 days for the sword to drop, so I won't know how well I did until then). I had long been debating whether or not I should take a class or work for the last month of summer vacation; and as I had been consistently taking classes for the past year and a half, including winter and summer courses, I decided to take a mental-health month.

Last Tuesday I flew back to Michigan to go on a mini-tour with White Pines and That's Him! That's the Guy! in Marquette, Traverse City, and Lansing. On the ride to the airport, I sleepily discovered one of my plugs had gone missing, so I had to replace it with a bic pen cap: effectively turning me into a highschool student all over again. An inauspicious start to what was a fun-filled thrill ride of the summer.

Flying to Marquette was worth any of the subsequent drama of the road; being able to see my family after such a long hiatus was exactly what my mind needed. Indeed, the only thing that would have made the experience any more enjoyable would have been if Katie had been able to come with me to experience the yoop magic. Unfortunately, she had to work and it was on me to represent the von Ercks back to MI. The shows went well, and despite some monumental car drama on the way back (read: the engine is kaputzki), the whole trip was great. I got to see some old and dear friends, play some great music, get very very drunk and get very very little sleep in three days. The flight back put me in NY around 9, and then our train to Pennsylvania was at 1, to visit one of our best friends, AMC. We went to Hershey park, I got nauseated on a rollercoaster, we watched some of the cheesiest horror movies of all time, accompanied with some very strong margaritas for courage, and all was well.

Now on Saturday Katie and I are flying to Minnesota to hang out at the Erck family cabin at Swan Lake for a week. We're going to be there with Steve McQueen, having a world-class time, and I couldn't be more excited. The whole clan is going to be there, and we're going to have some awesome times.

---

The real reason for this post involves the dream that I just woke up from. I'll give the details in a rapid-fire manner, as they come to me. My sleep deprivation and thorough pickling has made for some very strange dreams lately, but this one takes the cake:

I was on a cruise ship off the coast of Florida, playing music with Chris Bathgate and White Pines. Most of our good friends were there with us, which was rad; we all had a deck to ourselves, which was beneficial, because when we noticed the atomic bombs falling off in the distance, we were all together and able to formulate a plan.

The ship docked in Florida, and we were all sequestered in a hotel just off the beach, and things returned to general normalcy, We had been shuttled around on old yellow school busses from place to place, and the hotel was nice. We were able to play videogames and perform music for everyone that was there with us. Then I realized that my mom and stepdad were in Florida as well on vacation, and I wasn't able to get them on the phone. Eventually I contacted them, my mom said she was packing to try and get back to Michigan, but she wasn't sure how she was going to get out of the area because there were roving gangs of post-apocalyptic zombie types on the streets.

At this point, I had to contact the locally-installed Korean governer (as the US had been taken over by a joint task force of Chinese and Korean soldiers). I explained the situation to him, and he was remarkably understanding, issuing me a pass to travel throughout the new Korean province of Florida until I found my family. The two people who were most adamant about my not leaving on my own were Chris Bathgate (who the whole time had a mandolin strapped on his shoulder, "for emergencies"), and my sister Jodi (who is currently stationed in Afghanistan, but in the dream was on R&R and now in charge of the US detainees on the coast).

We stole a humvee and the four of us (Katie included, of course), drove off into the sunset to battle whatever may come. I woke up with "Proud Mary" by Tina Turner on my lips.

2009-07-05T17:48:00.000-07:00

So organic chemistry went pretty well, for those of you who don't know. I got a B and an A-, which is straight in line with what I was hoping to get. Now the priorities are 1) finish my AACOMAS application by writing my personal statement and getting those transcripts sent, 2) get a loan secured for the next few months 3) learn EVERYTHING I CAN ABOUT THE MCAT BECAUSE I'M TAKING IT IN A MONTH. (Kaplan is helping that along).

Speaking of which, I'm in a Kaplan MCAT review course. The first step was to take a diagnostic to determine our relative strengths and weaknesses in the sciences. I did substantially better than I was expecting, well within the range of scores I was shooting for on actual test day, which helps relieve quite a bit of pressure.

---

Studying with John Prine makes me sad, but it is effective.

Station was empty
Trains were all gone
Reached in my pocket
And waited for dawn

The clock played drums
And I hummed the sax
And the wind whistled down
The railroad tracks
Hey three for a quarter
One for a dime
I'll bet it's tomorrow
By Rocky Mountain time

Walked in the restaurant
For something to do
Waitress yelled at me
And so did the food
And the water tastes funny
When you're far from your home
But it's only the thirsty
That hunger to roam

We'll build us a castle on Main Street
And pretend that we're down on the farm
Hell, we'll hold out as long as we have to
Then we'll twist off each other's arm

Christ I'm so mixed up and lonely
I can't even make friends with my brain
I'm too young to be where I'm going
But I'm too old to go back again

so this bartender in williamsburg killed the king of pop

2009-06-25T18:18:00.000-07:00

so i had my final today in organic chemistry, and it went pretty poorly. but the class is over, and that's what counts (as everyone has been telling me, and i'm not necessarily sure that's the case. isn't doing well in the class the most important part about taking the class?)

anyway, to celebrate, I headed over to sweet ups with joe, and met jeff and adam there, to hang out and drink $1 48 ounce pitchers. after 5 o'clock, the deal become buy-one-get-one-free pints of beer. you buy a pint, the bartender gives you a poker chip that's good for another free beer whenever you want it. pretty sweet deal.

so i drank a few pitchers, hung out with my pals, tipped a buck on each one, which i consider ample tip, when the drinks are $1 each. standard fare. (STOP ME IF I'M WRONG, PEOPLE).

after 5, i order a beer, and the bartendress forgets to give me my poker chip for the free beer. No big deal whatsoever. She gives me my change, I pocket it, and ask for my chip, reaching into my pocket to get my dollar for the tip for the beer, thinking to myself "she gives me the chip, I give her the tip, we both walk away happy". When I ask her for the chip, she says "YOURE NOT EVEN GOING TO TIP ME, HUH? ARE YOU SERIOUS??"

and then goes on this ENFLAMED diatribe about how she's been bartending for 10 years, and she's sick of people not tipping, and all day people haven't been tipping her and etc.etc.etc.

blown away (and tipsy from my nearly 100 ounces of beer in a half hour), i apologize, remind her that i've tipped her for every drink that i've received all day (TALLY: TWO), and that she was the one that erred, ripping me off for a free beer, and that I was planning on putting a dollar on the bar when she did her job, as advertised on the chalkboard out front. it was an honest mistake, much like not giving someone their free beer. we all make mistakes. there's no reason to get bent out of shape. just do what you're supposed to do, and we'll both be happy.

i didn't even go into details about how she's been a mediocre bartendress, at best, and i thought tips were supposed to be for exemplery performance, but i've worked in service before, i know you make your living off tips, and i appreciate that she's working a crappy bar in william s. burg at 4 in the afternoon, so here's your dollar. i didn't do that. i gave her my dollar and said sorry.

a few minutes later, i went up to the bar, and asked if she was okay. i reiterated that it was a mistake, i meant to tip her, just plum forgot, and we're fine now, right? and she was still a little attitudy, saying "i'm just having a bad day. people don't tip on drinks and that upsets me" or some such rot.

---

a few minutes later, i get text-blasted with "CAN YOU VERIFY THAT MJ IS DEAD??!?!?!?!?!"

i go to bitchy macgoo behind the bar, and say "holy crap, michael jackson is dead?"

all strife is put aside. she flips on cnn, pours shots of tequila, and we put on joe's ipod, rocking out to the king of pop for a half hour or so.

---

at the end of the day, one of my three favorite musical artists have died, right before he planned on a comeback tour. but hundreds of people are dying in iran, and as joemsak puts it: "thousands of people are waiting in line for 1 toilet in south africa". priorities need to be put in order.

i will always remember where i was the day MJ died. getting berated in a bar with my three best friends, playing gin rummy, doing tequila shots, celebrating the moment where i finished a class a year before i go to west virginia to be a doctor. it'll put it into perspective, i feel.

also, every fifteen seconds someone dies of hunger. where were you when that happened?

how about when that happened?

and that?

and that?

and that?

and that?

and that?

things and sundry events

2009-06-20T18:48:00.001-07:00

so two nights ago, katie left to go visit our practicallysisters' graduation party. missing her terribly, i made plans to go somewhere, so i wasn't sitting at home alone, morose and clueless (standard fare for lonelyhusbear).

i went to a lovely little venue called sweetups, for $1 48 ounce pitchers of beer, with joescott. jeffloughlin (of BEARDS! fame, holy carp), sebastian taylor (who, no less, flew in from hellay to hangz), kelly waterman and aubrey fry all came to pitch in.

---

here i'll say i'm officially worried about iran.

---

we decided to play poker, forcing jeff loughlin (OF BEARDS!! MY GOD) to go buy us cards inthefirst place. then we played handafterhand, betting dollar bills (AKA pitchers of beer) on good hands. fun times.

joe and i peaced out many ounces of beer later to stumble incoherently through the lonely streets of east williamsburg. we happened upon alligator lounge, which offers free large pizzas with every drink purchase, and went to sit in back. jeff and sebastian arbitrarily found us there, because in the land of drunken happenstance, random encounters are commonplace. for that, i thank you, brooklyn. we observed some of the worst kareoke i've ever witnessed (HOW CAN YOU SCREW UP AFRICA BY TOTO, GUY?). i attempted to sing "Clint Eastwood" by the Gorillaz, for my homies, but it was a reggaeton cover, so we quickly escaped to barcade (read: the bar with classic arcade videogames). joe and i walked home, put on a movie, biked to a chinese place, and laughed our individual juevos off to the rifftrax version of twilight.

---

also, i'm bummed about obama's treatment of homosexual rights in our country.

---

mercifully not hungover, the next day i spent time with adam (Quac) in his backyard, drinking beerz, until we rodebikes down to see frontier ruckus play at southpaw. all told, it was jeff, joe, me, sean and quac on our bikes, a veritable gang of miscreants the likes of which would make james dean blush.

at the gig, we rocked out, met up with dozens of pals, who all split up to go different directions after the amazing set. some of us went to lamesauce US, on atlantic, which was filled with dbags and ridiculous outfits.

fleeing said bummout, we rode hard down to carrolgardens, to the only bar which can perk up a nearly lost night. a delightful little rendezvous called the zombie hut, a tiki bar slash slasher flick. they offer drinks made entirely out of mango slushy, rum, and a shot of 151 in the straw. serious conversations, hilarious jokes, personal revelations, and we're all immersed in perfect good times. miss my wife.

---

chemistry cannot be overrated when it comes to hanging out at a bar. good times hang on a hinge of personal relationships, personality quirks, and mixology. it's an interesting dichotomy; the wrong drink or the wrong pal will potentially ruin a great hangout. luckily, the humans occupying that space fulfilled my desires, and the drinks did flow. having katie there would have made it the perfect night. having steve mcqueen there would have meant everyone would have had to have dealt with a ridiculous dog. went home past 3 for the second night in a row (and the first time in a year or so).

---

this morning(afternoon, 151 is hangover guarantee. which reminds me. being hungover is really just viral marketing for the hangover, right?), washed and ate and left to go to a Mets game, which david and shannon graciously invited me to.

arrived.

immediately astounded by the fact that the gig was sponsored by fox news AS EVIDENCED BY THE GIANT FOX NEWS BANNERS EVERYWHERE. ponchos, hats, gloves, glasses, coozies, all flashing the gang signs of the worst news establishment outside of al jazeera. hung out with conservatives who constantly made HILARIOUS comments about the correlation between tattoos and moral turbidity. watched the Mets play, with free beer and food. got a towel with I-kid-you-not-uncle-sam.

miss my wife.

daveandshannon wanted to go to a strip club (i pondered innumerable number of hilarious annecdotes that would be afforded to me, based on her pregnancy clashing with queens strippers). went back to barcade instead, and got schooled in every one of my favorite videogames by shannon martin. props.

---

i'd like to talk about my feelings regarding californication. is that okay? i'll bring it up later. i promise. also, i can't stop watching rifftrax. addictions can sometimes be beneficial. keep that in mind.

2009-06-17T15:24:00.001-07:00

two nights ago, in between the moment when katie leaves for work and my alarm rips me awake (i have anywhere between 15 and 30 minutes of intense, passionate sleep), i had a dream.

in the dream, i was jeff daniels (circa escanaba in da moonlight). i had just finished riding my bike over a large hill in the adirondacks, and had been struck by a speeding ambulance. writhing and whirling on the pavement (with the majority of my skull caved in), i remember wondering how my bike had fared, while gawkers and paramedics alike stood in impotent worry around what was left of my brainandblood, pouring into the gutter. i leapt to my feet (to the astonishment of the crowd that had gathered), and stumbled in a circle, as a doctor told me i'd probably never walk again, and that i most likely would die soon. i remember feeling the pressure of a question that needed to be asked before time ran out, and as i opened my mouth, i awoke.

---

fellow awesome dude and scandanavian Kristian Mattson

2009-06-15T16:54:00.000-07:00

---

also, everyone needs to go download the rifftrax (AKA MST3K) version of twilight, here:

http://www.mediafire.com/?sharekey=b49868c1cfc1032ed9d5c56d04dfa8b0c0fe072194bac5fa5be6ba49b5870170

As this is an old re-post, I've added some pictures to spice it up.

2009-06-15T14:10:00.000-07:00

Over the course of my intellectual development, I have found that the predominant question I have been unable to answer internally and set aside without social repercussion has been concerned with the nature of religion. I have followed a path of enlightenment, secular inquisition, and comparative analysis, all of which have deposited me firmly and without apology on the shores of Atheism. I have read the sacred books of the three Abrahamic religions multiple times, both during a period of personal doubt, when I was open to the possibility of some metaphysical being, and after I had created a system of belief that was founded on intellect and reason (read here: not a slight against those who use “faith” to direct their belief, but rather, as a delineation as to why I believe what I do).

A brief interlude about faith: I cement my understanding of the world on fact and reason; therefore, I necessarily set aside faith as a luxury that has no place in concrete intellectual concerns, and for this alone I make no apologies. Faith is, by definition, a belief in a premise without logical proof. Notice the definition does NOT say “a belief in something even though there may not be proof”, the language here is very specific. The lack of proof is necessary for faith to take hold, and I afford faith absolutely no domain in my life, for intellectual reasons.

The scope of arguments in which I find myself besieged and beleaguered include: the nature of my lack of faith, my personal beliefs regarding the lack of soul or lack of an afterlife, the overwhelming evidence supporting the fact of evolution versus the intellectually stunting and dangerously ignorant dogma of Biblical creationism (again, here, the definition is specific, as not to broadly insult or slight my friends. The facts, as few and far between as they may be, are thus:

1) The Earth is not 6000 years old. To turn a blind eye to the mountain of evidence that is supported by scientists and intellectuals belonging to every possible religious sect in the world requires either a staggering ignorance regarding the basic principles of the sciences concerned, a fabrication of amazing proportions (i.e., Satan planted fossils to throw modern scientists off the trail), or a leap in faith so wide it completely overshoots logic to the point of being absurd.
2) It is literally impossible for one man and one woman to populate the Earth to the extent in which we find modern populations. Explain the principles of genetics or biological reproduction to a child and they would tell you the same.
3) Thanks to the ongoing genome project, and advances in modern gene technology, we are capable of watching in near-real time the process of evolution taking place, both in model organisms as well as in our own phylogeny.

All of that aside, the most commonly created argument against my Atheism regards morality. It is, in fact, a two-pronged approach. The distillation of the argument goes:

A) If you weren’t raised in a religious background (or do not now consider yourself religious), how can you consider yourself moral? Where does your morality come from, if not from religion?

-and (this one, more frequently)-

B) If you don’t plan on raising your children to follow a specific sect, how can you possibly instill a sense of morality or ethical culpability in their impressionable young minds?

I was inspired to address this question after a conversation I had with a good friend last night, and I feel I’ve nailed down my response as well as I can at this moment. I find myself agreeing, for the most part, with Richard Dawkins, both in his books The God Delusion and The Selfish Gene. When he responds to an argument posited by Stephen Jay Gould, he writes:

Similarly, we can all agree that science's entitlement to advise us
on moral values is problematic, to say the least. But does Gould
really want to cede to religion the right to tell us what is good and
what is bad? The fact that it has nothing else to contribute to
human wisdom is no reason to hand religion a free license to tell us
what to do. Which religion, anyway? The one in which we happen
to have been brought up? To which chapter, then, of which book of
the Bible should we turn - for they are far from unanimous and
some of them are odious by any reasonable standards. How many
literalists have read enough of the Bible to know that the death
penalty is prescribed for adultery, for gathering sticks on the
sabbath and for cheeking your parents? If we reject Deuteronomy
and Leviticus (as all enlightened moderns do), by what criteria do
we then decide which of religion's moral values to accept? Or
should we pick and choose among all the world's religions until we
find one whose moral teaching suits us? If so, again we must ask,
by what criterion do we choose? And if we have independent
criteria for choosing among religious moralities, why not cut out
the middle man and go straight for the moral choice without the
religion?

In my estimation, this cuts directly to the quick of the argument. Who are the religious to attack the non-believers on the grounds of their morality? Where in the history of human evolution or social development has there been a structure that can be blamed for more hatred and bigotry than religion? In the years during the human age, whether they be measured by the thousands or the millions, religion has been the primary tool that has been used to excuse all the horrors that we have been forced to endure. As Dawkins puts it, “The God of the Old Testament is arguably the most unpleasant character in all fiction: jealous and proud of it; a petty, unjust, unforgiving control-freak; a vindictive, bloodthirsty ethnic cleanser; a misogynistic, homophobic, racist, infanticidal, genocidal, filicidal, pestilential, megalomaniacal, sadomasochistic, capriciously malevolent bully. Those of us schooled from infancy in his ways can become desensitized to their horror”. I would ascribe most, if not all, of these attributes to religion in general. However, to say that I am extrapolating those qualities of the major religions to encompass all people supporting or ascribing to those religions is a fallacy that doesn’t merit a response. The point that is being made is simply: Who are the religious to act with prejudice or malice regarding secular morality, given their track record thus far? Or, as Bill Maher famously soliliquozes at the end of Religious: “If you belonged to a political party or a social club that was tied to as much bigotry, misogyny, homophobia, violence, and sheer ignorance as religion is, you'd resign in protest. To do otherwise is to be an enabler, a mafia wife, for the true devils of extremism that draw their legitimacy from the billions of their fellow travelers.”

Of course, to truly make a defense of my morality, it isn’t sufficient to merely attack the attackers. That is a policy that has resided for too long in the hands of the religious majority, and one that is only useful in tearing down another person, instead of building up oneself. My morality is based a simple ideal on which I feel ALL morality should be based: altruism. I believe in acting in a selfless manner, for others’ good, as well as for my own. It’s really that simple.

What astounds me, however, is the inability for certain people to accept the principles of altruism as an acceptable alternative to religion, Why is it so outlandish to accept that a child can be taught to “do the right thing for the sake of doing the right thing”? Why does it seem to so many people that the only option for teaching morality is to fall back on a roughly 2000-year-old work of fiction? In a best-case scenario, the social rules and contracts drawn up in the Bible are marginally outdated, with little to no practical application in a modern society. The majority of the permanent and incendiary moral questions that are being debated nowadays weren’t even thought to be possibilities during the period of time in which the Bible was written. Which doesn’t even take into account the fact that the majority of the Bible is written in such vague terms that anyone can interpret the message to be for or against anything they want. This is why the Bible is being used even now as a defense for and against slavery, for and against abortion, for and against polygamy, domestic abuse, murder, etc. Interpretation can be used to justify or attack anything you want, there are no concrete truths when it comes to morality. The closest thing we come to a “concrete list of moral certainties”, the Decalogue, are just as weak.

The major world religions can’t agree on what they say. The Talmud lists the first four as declarations on how to worship God, establishing that he is jealous and insecure in his power. Many Christians consider “I am the Lord your God” as a preface, not as a commandment, as other groups do. Even commandments such as “Thou shall not kill” are up for interpretation. Some say the word “kill” actually means “murder”, because at the time, it was socially acceptable (and therefore, not punishable), to “revenge kill” a person who had killed a family member. The lines are muddled even in the “top ten”. Which brings me back to my original question: Did I really need a 2000-year-old work of fiction to tell me not to kill? Or to steal? Or to commit adultery? Obviously not. For whatever secular reason you want to use, “eye for an eye”, “social repercussion”, “golden rule”, “PUNISHMENT”, it doesn’t matter. If you really relied on such an old doctrine to tell you what’s right and wrong, without using any modern social cues or guidance, then there is a larger problem at stake.

In quick summation: I hope that my children will have inherited the integrity of character and intellectual fortitude from their mother and I that they are able to understand a basic premise such as “do the right thing”. And if they aren’t able to wrap their heads around the concept of being a good person for the sake of being a good person, I would hope that I wouldn’t find it necessary to rely on such a flawed and piecemeal list of partial millennia-old laws. I would be able to use my wife’s moral responsibility, as well as my own. I would use intellect, reason, and altruism to teach my children the difference between right and wrong, just as my parents used with me. To feel that my children were only doing the right thing because they were concerned about a series of ultimate rewards and punishments would make me feel like a failure as a parent, or at least as a moral compass.

My children will know to do the right thing, and not because they’re afraid of a God watching them at all times, like some over-indulged Santa Claus (whether they believe in that God or not); not because they’re concerned about their everlasting soul getting into heaven (whether they believe in one or not); not because they are worried about being punished in Hell (whether they believe in it or not). Not even because they are worried about going to prison, or letting down their parents, or looking bad in the eyes of their peers, or feeling ashamed, or having someone hurting them.

My children will do the right thing because they will be intelligent enough to understand the concept of “the right thing”. They won’t need to be coerced or bribed or punished or frightened or lied to or manipulated or condescended to as the major world religious do every day. They will be good people because their parents are. Period.

There are two ways in which scripture might be a source of morals
or rules for living. One is by direct instruction, for example through
the Ten Commandments, which are the subject of such bitter
contention in the culture wars of America's boondocks. The other
is by example: God, or some other biblical character, might serve as
- to use the contemporary jargon - a role model. Both scriptural
routes, if followed through religiously (the adverb is used in its
metaphoric sense but with an eye to its origin), encourage a system
of morals which any civilized modern person, whether religious or
not, would find - I can put it no more gently - obnoxious.
To be fair, much of the Bible is not systematically evil but just
plain weird, as you would expect of a chaotically cobbled-together
anthology of disjointed documents, composed, revised, translated,
distorted and 'improved' by hundreds of anonymous authors,
editors and copyists, unknown to us and mostly unknown to each
other, spanning nine centuries. This may explain some of the sheer
strangeness of the Bible. But unfortunately it is this same weird
volume that religious zealots hold up to us as the inerrant source of
our morals and rules for living. Those who wish to base their
morality literally on the Bible have either not read it or not under-
stood it, as Bishop John Shelby Spong, in The Sins of Scripture,
rightly observed.

frontier ruckus

2009-06-15T11:49:00.000-07:00

also, because cross-promotion is the better part of valor:

rageahol

2009-06-15T11:34:00.000-07:00

also.

i'm developing my own process for getting over my temper issues. the first step, i've found, is to do away with any euphemistic treatment of the matter. calling it "temper issues" or "short fuse" puts a cartoon face on it, that can be chuckled at and moved away from. and it is a much deeper and far less transient issue.

i'm incorporating elements from existing programs (/pogroms?) to try and relax the hell down. breathing exercises, meditation, introspection, frequent apologies. i would like people to point out when i'm being unreasonable, excitable, or exaggerating. my old policy of burn bridges now, swim later, is no longer appropriate. it's time to man up, calm down, react slowly with tact and grace, and rely more on my intelligence and less on my wit.

i'm sorry if i offended anyone, i promise i'm trying harder.

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word of the day: defenestrate: "the action of throwing something or someone out of a window".

mirrors and punctuation

2009-06-15T11:03:00.000-07:00

It's a rare occurrence these days for me to fully know someone.

I'm having a hard time understanding why that is. Years ago, I felt that I could nail somebody down completely in a matter of weeks, tops. Now more and more I find myself saying "I just can't figure you out", or being utterly surprised at a friend's actions. The reasons seem to be multifaceted. Is it primarily because the people I'm associating with are intrinsically deeper than my crowd used to be? Could it be because I'm starting to understand the different layers and masks people surround themselves with better? Could the opposite be the case? Am I starting to understand people LESS than I was before?

Or could it be that I'm starting to understand myself less or more than I did? It's a confusing process, which is why I'm even more satisfied when I AM able to wrap somebody up into a neat little package. It's a breath of fresh air to not have to try and interpret an action or a word or a glance as something more than is actually there. Or to be able to predict with staggering accuracy the next action one of you make. So thank you, predictable friends. You're an rock. You're an island.

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I am having difficulty deciding whether or not i should abandon my life-long policy of refusing to capitalize the first-person "I". i started refraining back when I never capitalized anything... it seemed more aesthetically pleasing. No sharp corners. Rounded edges you could lay your head on. Punctuation failed to look so threatening; in fact, it became less a necessity and more of a luxury. words seemed to flow better between fractured sentences. Possibly because I was tending to write more, and spending less time editing. Edicts and diatribes were released as free-response yet coherent ramblings, with little or no thought as to what repercussions or reverberations they may have. Even now, when sentences begin with capitalized letters, they look like bookends to me. Periods become more definite and lasting. I'm not sure I support the structuring of my thoughts.

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listening to: Frontier Ruckus
looking at: Organic Chemistry