It ain’t no use to sit and wonder why, babe
It don’t matter, anyhow
An’ it ain’t no use to sit and wonder why, babe
If you don’t know by now
When your rooster crows at the break of dawn
Look out your window and I’ll be gone
You’re the reason I’m trav’lin’ on
Don’t think twice, it’s all right

It ain’t no use in turnin’ on your light, babe
That light I never knowed
An’ it ain’t no use in turnin’ on your light, babe
I’m on the dark side of the road
Still I wish there was somethin’ you would do or say
To try and make me change my mind and stay
We never did too much talkin’ anyway
So don’t think twice, it’s all right

It ain’t no use in callin’ out my name, gal
Like you never did before
It ain’t no use in callin’ out my name, gal
I can’t hear you anymore
I’m a-thinkin’ and a-wond’rin’ all the way down the road
I once loved a woman, a child I’m told
I give her my heart but she wanted my soul
But don’t think twice, it’s all right

I’m walkin’ down that long, lonesome road, babe
Where I’m bound, I can’t tell
But goodbye’s too good a word, gal
So I’ll just say fare thee well
I ain’t sayin’ you treated me unkind
You could have done better but I don’t mind
You just kinda wasted my precious time
But don’t think twice, it’s all right

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I spent too much time not listening to Bob Dylan. I hope to rectify that grievous error now.

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Officially hit the "three month" of sobriety milestone last week; this process was significantly easier than any of my foes suspected. Turns out I'm not an alcoholic, and if I'm tasked with giving up drinking for the rest of my life to prove it to my detractors, then that's what I'll do. It was the smart move in the short-term, especially considering the trials and tribulations I've been going through lately (both literally and figuratively, forgive the pun); considering the high potential for mental instability, it wouldn't make sense to add an executive-function inhibitor into the mix. Some would do well to take that advice, but I can only hold responsibility for myself. Also, who needs to add a depressant to an already depressed mind? Stupid move, Danno. I feel great about it, though. It's empowering to be willfully sober again; it allows me to be a DD for students who need it, and I never have to wonder whether my actions are because of drink or because of my personality (and I've been making significantly better decisions lately, which helps).

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Officially divorced, as I'm sure the rumor mill has spread around. It wasn't a choice I wanted to make, but given the circumstances, it was the only option I had at my disposal. It went surprisingly well; significantly less drama than the wedding day itself, which should be a glaring neon sign about the nature of the relationship. Also, she didn't have the decency or desire to show up, which I'll take as a symbol of the course of the majority of our marriage in the first place.

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Doing well in school, so don't worry about that. It's been helpful to have books to dive into when shit hits the fan; hunkering down to study puts some emotional and mental distance between myself and all the drama whirling around Lburg, which is a welcome reprieve. I have my neuro final tomorrow, which I'm confident about, and then some relaxation for the rest of the week.

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The family has been encouraging, supportive and understanding. Everything I could hope for, and I'm grateful that I have a family that is willing and able to pick up some of the stress off my shoulders when it is getting too overwhelming. Matt and Stef are expecting the twins in a few months, and I can't wait to meet them. Mom bought her house in GR, and it looks like one of my friends from highschool may be interested in buying Grandma's old place.

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Last night I decided that the mourning period is over. I've put in some significant and appropriate time being upset, and confused, and lost, and hurt, and angry, and scared. As I described to my Dad, it feels like I've been attending a funeral this whole time. That makes it easier, in a sad way. It feels like my wife died in November, suddenly and unexpectedly, to be replaced with a malicious and insane twin sister, who wants nothing else but to ruin my life. A little hyperbole, but the most accurate way I can describe it. That viewpoint has been verified by everyone else on the periphery of the situation, so that's how I've been operating. It wasn't my fault she died; she was sick for her whole life, and all it took was a small impulse to push her over the edge from teetering on the brink of terminally ill to death. I mourn the loss of my wife, and wish I could have gotten her in to see a doctor sooner, maybe we could have taken more aggressive steps to prevent the deterioration of her health, but she was unwilling to go. I can't be tasked with saving other people, only myself. And I'm well on the way to doing that. I've learned some valuable lessons over the past few months, years, etc. Unfortunately, those are lessons I have to keep close to my chest, because they're just for me.

I hope you've learned some too.